Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize