I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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