Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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