will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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