You're so nebulous sometimes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
