u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
