just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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