If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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