Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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