I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
