im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
