i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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