her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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