i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
