My sheets look like a crime scene.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
