ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
