so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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