can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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