I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
