if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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