Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
