i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
