afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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