Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
