TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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