how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
