last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
