3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
