What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
