I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
