she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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