If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
