I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
