Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how does that bad decision feel?
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