So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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