can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
