idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
