just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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