So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
