Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
