It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
