I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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