I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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