Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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