Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
