i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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