i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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