Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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