I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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