I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
