I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Girls should come with a carfax report
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
