I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
