i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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