I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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