I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
