she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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