I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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