She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
