Swine flu. Run for my life!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
