he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
