Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do vagina's smell?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
