one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
