If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
