New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
