how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
