I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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