it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
