I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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